Susan Marie Fisher

growing up

I'll start with Friday to avoid the impending for a moment.

When do people stop acting like they are in high school? The arrogance of some of my coworkers simply astounds me. No one is free from their hateful comments -- even if you beg for them to not say anything - say because someone is your FRIEND. Grow up people. I try so hard not to participate in these conversations but they are everywhere, and even I fall victim to joining in!!! Lord help us. Thankfully not all pixarians are afflicted with this need to tear others apart. That was friday. If you haven't figured it out yet, I'm in a bad mood.

Onto to saturday... I spent a good deal of time crawling in the dirt under my house running cables. Then I called a friend to see if he wanted to join me for a party. No answer. In the two minutes in between that and his return call, I got the news. A friend had passed away.

It's weird. Earlier in the week, I had stupidly thought he was out of the woods. His family asked for no visitors. And now, he's gone. I had a good long cry before finally falling asleep numbly.

In reality, I think his passing was actually maybe the way he would have wanted it. I don't think he thought he was going to die when he went into the hospital; I don't think any of us did. He was made unconscious with medication, so I can only assume he died in his sleep. Perhaps that was better than waiting, agonizingly for death that the cancer would eventually bring. He instead died of pneumonia.

I wish I was there.

But would he have wanted that? Or would he have wanted us to remember him in life? I don't think he would have wanted all of us to see him suffering.

So he passed on a day with a glorious sunset and I can only pray that I'll see him again someday, and that all of his unfinished business had been finished.

But I think I will never stop asking WHY. God I loved him.

Posted by sfisher at January 16, 2005 09:07 PM