Susan Marie Fisher

Hard to Believe

I reread my last post and it makes me a little sad. That october admission for a fever workup was really my first hospitalization outside of the transplant as an adult.

Little did I know how often I'd spend inpatient at UCSF in the coming months. It is hard to believe, or really even understand how one goes from working routine overtime and loving it, to this. I have so far to go in terms of recovery before I can work again. I think I left the house around four times since new years for something other than the hospital or a doctor. Once I visited pixar, and three times I went to various stores. I write this from my new 'home' at the hospital. I do feel like I live here at times.

To make a long story short, I have a FUO, fever of unknown origin. Over the course of my illness, I've had severe mouth ulcers, severe gastric ulcers (>40), high fevers, low fevers, fevers, drenching night sweats, sweats, lost my pancreas transplant, beat PTLD Lymphoma, and lost my gallbladder. And lost my ability to eat - I get most of my calories via iv.

And about a year ago, I was living it up at the Wall-E wrap party, getting engaged, pigging out on gourmet food. Sigh.

I am still getting married in a few weeks - the one light in my life ;) I really hope I can get a fever break (I do get breaks, I tend to be febrile for like 6-7 days, and then get 2 days off) around then.

It's just really weird to go from healthy and happy one day (October 1, 2008), to this, and not really understand why you are the way you are and how you got there, and how the hell you can get out.

I hope the docs can find an answer for the fevers and nausea soon.

Posted by sfisher at May 7, 2009 10:56 AM