In fact, because I am so sure of tears, I am pretty sure we'll be doing the pictures before the ceremony - that way we can spend more time with our out of town guests, and perhaps not be a sniffly snuffly mess at the altar ;)

Wedding planning and a touch of illness have dominated my life as of late. Work is still going well. I recently moved off of the Toy Story 1 - 3D project and onto UP. Medically, I have been doing WONDERFUL since transplant.

But.

Yeah, there is always a but isn't there?

I got a fever last week. At the time I had a high heart rate, low WBC (as always), fever, and low blood pressure. These are all possible signs of sepsis, so even though I didn't feel THAT bad, I got admitted to the ICU.

Better safe than sorry! I am happy to report that no infection was found, and thus it was probably viral. I hope all fevers don't have to be treated this way!

I've also been having a mild gastroparesis flare. It's not THAT mild, but the fact that it is a flare and not an unrelentingly angry stomach like the days pre-transplant make me happy enough that I'm sure I'll work through it.

As for the wedding... I'll have to refer you over to http://www.ffwed.com. It's almost done... like maybe it will be in a couple of days :) I've got the church, the reception hall, the dress, the bridesmaid dresses. I don't need anything else right? Okay, so realistically we still have a bit to do, but I feel like we are at least 50% there.

As I write this post, I realize I've gotten old and settled. I have nothing fun to report! I got my trees trimmed, does that count? My parents visited. My dog is still a lapdog (lab mix). Yes, I think that counts as boring, old, and settled. Too bad ;) I love it.

---------
To plug my tree trimmer, I used Matthew Bowman of Complete Tree Care in Berkeley. Did a great job for a great price if you are looking.

We started out by driving up 101 N through the Mendocino Lightning Complex to Ferndale, CA. At some point, we had to pull over and don breathing masks. You read reports/watch TV about air quality and the wildfires, but it does not prepare you for how bad it really is. The smoke just hangs in the air. The visibility at times was down to 100ft. Your throat and lungs burn. Given that these fires burned for over three weeks, I simply don't see how people lived through it. My heart goes out to all of those affected.

Because of the smoke, we didn't make any stops for sightseeing until we hit the blissful foggy air of the coast. We stayed at a wonderful B&B in Ferndale, the Collingwood Inn, which allows dogs. We spent a delightful day strolling around town with the pooch, and letting her run on the beach. Of course we lost her only ball deep in the sand within minutes! After a lazy breakfast, we headed up and onward to Crescent City, CA.

The coastal drive is beautiful. It was surprisingly cold and foggy at times, requiring headlights et al. We very thrilled to find that our campsite at Panther Flat Campground was just out of the fog zone and thus a little warmer. It still got rather cold at night. The poor dog was cold. At one point I wake to find that she has headed headfirst down into my mummy bag with me. Not sure if she could breathe, I rearranged her :) We thankfully were just across from the bathrooms too. Camping became a lot less fun when I started getting up 3X/night to pee! Unfortunately, the next morning I came down with a bout of diarrhea. We pushed though and still managed to get a decent hike in. I was very paranoid about all of the poison oak everywhere, but we and the dog were spared. We spent two days here before heading up to Lincoln City, OR.

We made a few stops on beaches along the Oregon coast to stretch our legs, and take some interesting photography of driftwood. We eventually landed at the Looking Glass Inn - like my favorite hotel ever. They allow dogs - and give you sheets to cover the furniture should your pooch wish to join you on the couch. It is just a few steps from the bay and beach. Very warm here, heavenly. The hotel is all suites, with a full size living room, kitchen, bathroom and bedroom. Kaylee, after a few very cold nights in the tent, was thrilled. The best thing about this inn was that there was zero evidence of dogs - very very clean and pristine and a great place to stay.

After Oregon, we headed back inland to meet up with I-5 to take us to Rasar State Park north of Seattle. We met up with Greg & Agi here for an awesome night. Hot and humid => heaven! It was much much warmer than our last campground. Rain threats persisted all night but never came to fruition. We had one moment in the middle of the night when Kaylee was sure something was attacking her in the tent. I reach over to touch her (she was kind of still asleep/having a nightmare) and that set her off. Now there really was something attacking her, me! She bit me!! Okay, not really, just grazed me. She settled down quickly at least. Then, in the morning, the rain came. Our old tent had the full to ground rainfly; the new one that has room for Kaylee, does not. We quickly learned our tent does not stand up well to torrential downpours. We hunkered down for a few hours and decided to head out for breakfast with hopes that it would stop, but alas, it was not meant to be. I stopped in for labwork in a local labcorp and then headed back to camp to pack up in the pouring rain. Boy were we all a soggy mess.

We made a relatively quick hop across the border and drove to Greg & Agi's in Vancouver (suburbs that is!). Here we got dry out, take a hot shower and relax. We had some thai takeout (now THAT's camping, eh?) and played games. Great night.

Onward ho! To Summerland, BC. We arrived just in time for dinner with Julian's complete family: his two sisters, his brother-in-law, mom, and even his dad visiting from china. Several friends of the family also joined in. We awoke early and headed into town for a desperate load of laundry. We spent the afternoon visiting the Nk'Mip Desert Cultural Centre and wine tasting. We bought David a nice bottle of wine before heading home. Unfortunately after dinner that night, I got a mild headache....

Which grew.

And grew.

I hardly slept a wink. I woke up and ate a little breakfast and was astonished when it came right back up. Other than the slammin' headache, I didn't feel THAT bad. Unfortunately, I could keep my medication or any fluids down. We waited until it was time for my next dose of meds and headed into the ER. Prior to this fateful trip, we made desperate calls to my best friend C. hoping she could find some info on our healthplan coverage in Canada. While I vaguely remembered coverage, when you are looking at an ER bill, you kind of want to know for sure. She went out of her way to get the info for us, driving into work on a Sunday. It is a shame that you can get 24/7 service from our insurance company if you have a mental health issue, but if you have a medical emergency, there is no way to get a person to take your call!! I got an IV of fluid and zofran and thankfully was able to keep the pills down. Of course, I woke up puking and still miserable the next morning. In the midst of the confusion, we failed to notice that Kaylee was perturbed by our lack of attention and all of the 'stress' in the house. She unfortunately got in a little fight with her cousin and got a gash on her forehead. It's healed into a solid lump by now thankfully. Julian's dad was smart and picked up on her mood right away; I was in another world.

In fear that I'd need more fluids and another ER visit, we sadly left Summerland early to go to Seattle - where there is both a transplant center AND where I have full coverage. Fate was on our side. As we neared the end of our trip, I was starting to feel better. I was still severely dehydrated (not wanting to puke alot in the car) but managed to get some fluids in before bedtime. We stayed in Seattle for two days, just in case.

We took our time heading home. We stayed overnight in Portland, OR where we visited the world famous Powell's Books, took a long stroll along the waterfront and hit a pub (none for my stomach thank you!) with the pooch.

The following day we picked a spot at random on the map about halfway home to stay... Yeah, we are dumb like that. When we got to Redding, it was 114F! Poor kaylee couldn't even touch the ground without wimpering - it was scorching her feet. Once again, it was like driving through a warzone with all of the smoke. We shared our hotel (with blissful AC) with firefighters, Forest Service workers, and evacuees. Again, being in the middle of it is just overwhelming. I don't know how the evacuees deal with the stress frankly. Also, the AWESOME firefighters work long shifts for 14 days straight. Thank god for these men! (and women!).

We finally arrived home at last, all semi-healthy (man my stomach is slow to recover), and pretty darn beat. Yeah, I know my health got in the way, but we still had a good trip. I enjoyed sleeping with the dog while sick (we don't let her upstairs at home), I enjoyed our good nights of camping, I enjoyed some of explorations on both the drive up and down... there were still a lot of good days in there.

To recap:
Lowest temp: 45F at night, dog burrowed into mummy bag with me
Highest temp: 114F in redding, dog scorching paws on pavement
Conditions: dense fog, blazing sun, dense smoke, low visibility, clear skies, heavy heavy rain, dry as a whistle drought conditions
Favorite stop: probably Looking Glass Inn, Lincoln City, OR
Least favorite stop: Redding, CA through no fault of its own

Friday day (May 2nd):
**jfong sneaks around house collecting random articles of clothing

Friday evening:
jfong: Do you want to go out to dinner tomorrow? It'll be late.
sfisher: how late?
jfong: like 9 pm
sfisher: why don't we go sunday instead. I can't eat that late, I have to take my pills at 9:30 pm (on an empty stomach). I mean, it's not like this is a proposal dinner right?
jfong: ok

Friday night:
**sfisher dozes blissfully
**jfong stares at ceiling, unable to sleep, how will I get her to dinner?

Saturday morning (May 3rd):
**jfong awakens sfisher before he leaves for a music workshop
sfisher: groan, why are you awakening me?
**jfong hands her a card
**sfisher opens very lovely anniversary card
sfisher: awwwwwwwwwww. I didn't know it was our anniversary
jfong: it is the anniversary of our first kiss! (Nemo wrap party)
**sfisher decides dinner is okay, she will take pills early

Saturday evening:
**jfong sneaks around house while sfisher takes a way too short shower trying to pack overnight things

Saturday night:
We drove into the city (early, given our reservation was at 9pm). When we get out of the car, he heads to the trunk and pops it... and hands me a pair of tennis shoes**. I look baffled.

Turns out he had booked a boutique hotel for the night right by the restaurant. After a glass of wine in the room, we went down to dinner at Masa's, a very nice French restaurant. We ordered wine and tasting menus, mine vegetarian. I suspected something was up, trying not to burst out saying that, but failed.... I had globe artichokes with mini-asparagus, cherry tomatoes; a Hen of the Woods in madras curry; tagliatele in saffron infused cream; a wax and fava been salad with horseraidish cream fraiche with lemon oil; strawberry mint sorbet; apple tart; chocalates; brioches.... very good!

Dinner nears the end and I am sad that nothing has happened.

We go to the hotel. We putter. I wonder if it really is just an anniversary...

Finally he says I have one more thing for you. I flirt back and say, "a massage?" He answered, "Okay I have two more things for you." And got down on one knee and asked, "Will you marry me?"

So why the IM format? Because that my dear is how we fell in love. Yes, we work together. But we worked in different cities. We chatted often about renderman bugs, builds, how to fix something, about a line of code. But sometimes other questions would pop in there too. You'd be waiting for a one minute render to return and you'd ask a non-work question. Then I realized I missed the chatting on weekends. I convinced myself it was a terrible idea to go after a coworker. Then, dateless for the Nemo wrap party... I suggested we go together as friends. Yes, FRIENDS. However that evening ended in a kiss...

..and five years later, to the day, we became engaged.

**And since everyone keeps asking about the shoes, they were for the next day! It just happened to be the moment when I realized something was up.

My best friend from college has ALS. At random today, I remembered how she used to always taste my sodas for me. I had trouble distinguishing diet from regular when it came out of a fountain (and still do!). It's amazing how much this little thing helped me, and how much it meant to me. After the first time I asked, I never had to ask again.

I think it is hard sometimes for us to figure out a way to help someone who is ill. But remembering this little thing... well, it helps to remind me that we don't have to move mountains to help someone. Sometimes a smile or simple gesture is enough.

This picture is beyond anything I (Miss Shaky Hands post transplant) or my camera could do. Instead it is due to the expertise and new camera of Julian.

It has been a very long time since I last posted, so it is probably time for a few updates. First, my friend recovered from her coma in the technical sense very quickly. However she unfortunately is still in the midst of a long road of neurological recovery. She is in a skilled nursing facility, but making occasional strides. She still needs your prayers. I am thankful for those moments when she really shines and connects with her husband as she used to.

My friend with ALS continues to live her life fully, albeit with new restrictions. As time goes on, the disease inevitably progresses. I pray she can see as much of her son growing up as possible! She and her husband have created a new non-profit for ALS: http://www.kimkimfoundation.org.

A relative of mine, although he has kept it quiet, has been diagnosed with cancer. Another one to add to my prayers. He, like me, seems to have been dealt a harder medical hand than some. But as I well know, life is still precious no matter what hand you've been dealt. I prayer they find a good treatment plan for him.

It's been a stressful, yet blessed year in my household. We've made so much progress in so many areas. I haven't had insulin since 2/9/2007. My stomach is virtually normal again - I still can't eat a lot of fat or fiber, but that is doable. I feel so lucky. I honestly hate diabetes MORE NOW that I know what it is like to not be diabetic. Although it's not at the front of my mind, I know I could lose this gift. A neverending prayer of mine is to keep it longer than humanly possible :) I love it. Let me keep it!

We got a new dog trainer this year and it has made a huge difference with Kaylee. Don't Kill Your Dog is the trainer's website. While she still has her moments, we have very reliable Downs, Sits, Stays, Up-sits. She Stands, but that one still needs work. At the dog park, she'll Sit and Stay while you throw a ball (her biggest temptation) and now she is getting VERY good about bringing the ball back (with encouragement). Oh, and did I mention she walks on a loose lead?

Julian joined an orchestra and also continues to play with his trio. I get to here him practice much more than last year, and it is a pleasure.

A new nephew was born (and adopted ;)), and my other nephew continues to grow into the Best Pixar Fan EVAR! One down, one to go.

This was an easy house year - the only major expense was adding insulation :) Next year I need a new fence and maybe a few other minor modifications...

Hmm, it's time for church, gotta go!

1. Technical Support has us replace all ethernet wires, our phone lines, our phone wiring of the house, the dsl modem, and more... we also replaced all filters on the phone lines, a $45 dollar Alarm system dsl filter, removed all extra devices from the network (rendering our home network useless). We did all of this because we weren't getting the advertised speed. Step one: are we close enough to the central office? NO! Time for technical support to figure that out? 2 months!
2. Billing - we signed up a for a contract for the new increased speed (1.5-3), which they never provided. Ultimately they decided that we would never achieve that speed, a service we never should have been offered. Their own contract states they are required to provide within 20% of the minimum speed of the contract. Guess what, is our contract null and void since they never provided the service the contract stated? Of course not! We must pay through the end of the contract for a 384k line. Ridiculous.

Net/net: Not recommended. Should be reported to the BBB. Avoid at all cost.

We both have gastroparesis and pancreas transplants. In fact, she largely contributed to my decision to have one, and for that I am eternally grateful. She has had a much harder road than I.

After her PTA (pancreas transplant alone), she later required a kidney. She's been slammed with several post transplant infections requiring daily IV antibiotics. Her GP is severe enough to land her in the hospital every few weeks for hydration. The infections make her GP worse.

But through it all, she has always been a ray of light. A true angel of the Lord - a strong Christian - with a strong faith in the good things life still had to offer. Whenever I had a bad gastro day, I looked to her as a source of inspiration and strength.

After several years, she had the misfortune of also being diagnosed with cervical cancer. They decided to have a hystorectomy (sp?). Two days out of surgery, all was well. Things were looking up. Then for no apparent reason, she coded.

She is now in a coma. I pray often for her and her husband. She is only about 30 years old, a beautiful cheery smiling blonde girl. A ray of sunshine in a gloomy medical drama.

Please pray for her. I don't want to lose my compass.

I recently passed the six month mark since my transplant. Right at the six month mark, my creatinine (a measure of kidney function) returned to a good number. I've added an extra liter of water a day to help flush those toxic drugs out of my system and I hope that has helped.

Overall, my life has improved considerably by transplant. I haven't had a protein shake (a common former meal of mine) in months. I have been eating real foods - including hard to digest things like asparagus and salads! I am no longer malnourished or underweight. I look a lot healthier and am no longer terrified of eating out. I avoid soup, a previous staple of my pureed diet. My gastroparesis is not gone (I happen to be nauseous right now for example), but it is so so so so much better, and that has made this whole process worth it.

My WBC (white blood cell count) continues to be low. They took me off some of my drugs in hopes of boosting it, but I still have never gotten above 2.0-2.9. I bottomed out around month five at 0.9 for several weeks. What this means is that it will be harder for my body to fight infection if I catch something. I have been blessed so far to stay healthy.

For months now, I have been reassured by my new good life that I made the right decision to have a transplant. My gastroparesis has reverted to about the state it was at five years before transplant - before the days of intractable nausea and protein shakes (yum!) and being underweight. It is amazing.

In addition, while I do take a lot of pills, the dose rarely changes. Diabetes was an at least hourly evaluation of whether I was rising or falling, eating or exercising, etc. and adjusting accordingly. While the meds are a lot to swallow, pun intended, it is actually much easier than treating brittle diabetes.

On a side note, just when things were going great, I fainted this morning. A first for my entire life! Hopefully it was a one time thing. I hit my head or neck on something but it just aches, no worries. Julian is watching me closely. It was probably from standing up to quickly.

I pray daily that this transplant lasts. It is such a gift, and certainly something that would devastate me to lose. I like this new life too much to even think about it!

Since transplant, I've had two scares. The first happened while I was still in the hospital. My blood sugar tested over 200 two times in a row. That is an alarm after a pancreas transplant! What it potentially means is that the organ has clotted off, in which case it cannot be saved and has to be removed. When I got the high reading, I didn't cry. I fretted, but didn't cry, or 'freak out', just sat subdued and waited for the ultrasound, gripping Julian's hand tightly. All, in the end, was well. And when I found out, I cried.

Last week, my blood work showed an elevated serum amylase, which can be an indicator of rejection. I welled up a bit with the news, but again, after the initial shock, went on about my life. That was until yesterday when I had new blood work drawn! Then all I could think about was the results! Thankfully, this week's results had a normal serum amylase; again, all was well. And again, I cried.

Apparently I cry at good news more than bad news :)

Now, while I believe the press and attention may have been instrumental in Humana approving dual kidney/pancreas transplants in general, his piece just rubs me the wrong way.

I guess my biggest beef with Michael is that people treat his work as a documentary, when it is in fact sensationalism.

In the piece, viewable on youtube, Michael claims that the patient could die tomorrow and stages a mock funeral at Humana headquarters.
No matter how uncontrollable your diabetes is, it is very very unlikely that you are going to die tomorrow because of it. His worst complication was hypoglycemia unawareness (which I have too) - and while it may not be fun, the safe secure alternative to a transplant is to test your blood sugar hourly (even setting alarms at night if you are that unstable). So the claim underlying the whole piece is a fallacy. Notably, Humana HAD approved the kidney transplant that he required, just balked at the pancreas. If I were on the receiving end, I too would be devastated and crying foul. But I still wouldn't claim that I was going to die tomorrow.

Second, he claims with the $28 million the execs were paid in a given year, that 473 transplants could have been performed by Humana. This claim is ridiculous. It doesn't even account for the cost of the surgery, nonetheless the years of treatment required after transplant.

I haven't seen Sicko yet - I will see it and I will probably resonate with much of what it says... but you have to take it with a grain of salt. The facts just aren't complete.

Here you have the most self-centered man on earth. Had an organ transplant patient been on that plane, they would have been given a death sentence. He defied orders in Italy to go to a hospital or pay for a private flight home and flew COMMERICIALLY into Canada. He thinks 'tricking' him into quarantine was unnecessary? Hardly!

How someone can complete four years of undergrad and a law degree and still be this stupid is beyond me. I guess he missed the important school, the school of life!

At this point all he should show is remorse and I have yet to see it.

I slept. Incessantly. I couldn't stay awake. I literally slept for 20 hrs straight, when my panicky mother would finally wake me up and beg me to eat something. By the time she could make it back from the kitchen with saltines, I'd be out cold again.

This eventually progressed. I had lost a lot of weight, and looked a bit skeletal. My mom tried to fatten me up, luring me to eat with ice cream sundaes. This was the worst possible thing one could do if your blood sugar was (unknowingly) high, but the best possible thing she could do for me: I got a last hurrah of a heck of a lot of goodies.

Around the end of the third week being sick, I started having trouble breathing, my breath was very short and I was gasping for air. Of course, my poor Mommy was terrified, and took me straight back to the doctor. I couldn't stay awake in the waiting room filled with screaming kids. The doc took one look (and probably one smell) and knew; he said you need to take her straight to the ER. NOW.

I don't remember much about this time, so some of this might be wrong, but I am pretty sure my poor Mommy was alone - the family was in the middle of a move to NC. Pretty sure my dad was in NC on business.

When we got to the ER, I think I kind of passed out coming through the doors. I vaguely remember my Mom arguing with a nurse about how she wasn't going to fill out any damn forms.

I woke up again when the elevator dinged. I distinctly remember, "Ooops! Wrong floor!" I have no idea how my mother didn't lose it that day.

Next thing I know, I'm on a table with a giant light over me and a lot of people kept hitting my face asking me to stay awake. The light was really bright and I just wanted to close my eyes. They kept sticking me, but a child's pysche is smart: we don't remember pain, we remember only the circumstances. Apparently my veins had collapsed and they couldn't get a line started. I assume they eventually did a central line or something.

When I was on the table, I like to think I had a mini-near death experience. When I closed my eyes, there was a light BEHIND me, not in front of me, and I was falling towards it. Then they'd slap me, I'd open my eyes and BAM, be back on the table. I don't remember anything after this. I fell further each time I closed my eyes.

I only remember little parts of my hospital stay. I remember it was Easter and the kind, yet clueless volunteers brought me an Easter basket filled with stuff my Mom had to remove (candy). I remember waking up, probably at the crack of dawn and calling Mom & Dad from the lounge. Pretty sure Mom stayed there at first, but I think I was pretty out of it in the beginning.

I think my blood sugar was like > 1500 mg/dl at the time, and it is a miracle I made it.

While it sounds horrible, I don't really remember it, and I certainly don't remember pain. I remember bruises from all of the IV's, but I don't remember the ouchies :) This event was the only traumatic event of my life with diabetes. My childhood was pretty carefree, and my memories are only dotted with stories of diabetes, not dominated. But alas, we'll get to that another day!

Oooo, one last thing I remember: presents, lots and lots of presents. See, everything has a flip side LOL.

First she happily takes it from you, runs away.

After about two minutes, she realizes, "I'M TRAPPED!"
"Wherever I am going to bury this thing???"

Thus commences the barely audible whining wheeze, keep in mind the bone is still fully in her mouth at this point. The whines increase, she comes to sit in front of you. The whines become an all out CRY, whimpering, whining, lips trembling, almost losing grip of the bone.

"MOM I HAVE HAVE HAVE to bury this!"

After a while, she gives up on you letting her out of the house, and chooses a location. Usually center of the carpet or her bed.

Now that she has chosen this brilliant hiding spot, she 'buries' it by dragging her nose from about 10 inches away from the bone to the bone, in a circle. It takes her about 15 nose drags to approach and nose drag from every angle around the circle. I assume if she were in sand or dirt, this would suitably drag dirt and cover the bone?

She collapses, happy, she has buried her bone. And sleeps. She'll eat it in about 12 hours!